who's that girl?

defibrillation

this past week left me in a whirlwind. as i strutted across that stage and received my diploma, i took a deep breath in with emotions that i weren’t able to evaluate until now. was it relief? yes. was it pride? sure. was it also…fear? well, yes. it’s terrifying to step out of clemson and to pack my bags and to experience the burdens of a real-life grown up. i’m leaving those that i am closest to including my family, both in blood and in soul. everything in my life is good right now: i’m on the cusp of becoming someone. i’m moving to an area in north carolina that i love with a man that i love even more. this is a huge high in my life. and i am incredibly thankful and blessed for that.

what i am fearful of is that once i step out of my comfort zone, the first thing i will be hit with is a reality check that i’m not aware will happen and one that i am not equipped for. though i know that this “smack” is completely necessary for growth, i still sit here in anticipation for that first downward slope of adulthood. 

but being molded to have a nursing mind, a critical concept has helped me with this: heart rhythms. the very core of what keeps you alive, your heart, produces an electrical current that can be detected on EKG strips and heart monitors. these rhythms, when normal and abnormal, produce strips and strips of up and down lines. without these lines, there is no electrical conduction whatsoever. you are flatlined. 

these ups and downs in life are vital to our lives and to our growth. though we may have periods where it’s more sporadic…like atrial or ventricular fibrillation, which produce an almost quivering line, there are those that will rush to our side to help us into a normal rhythm once again. 

all in all, i’m thankful for the ups and downs in my life. a flatline doesn’t support growth or challenge or spontaneity. bring on the rhythm. 

clavicles

i feel like nursing school has changed me. not for better or worse, but my ways of thinking are just different. like how my favorite part of my appearance has become my collarbones. i like how intricate our skeletal systems are, and how delicate the collarbones in particular are. i like how our impulse to breathe isn’t from lack of oxygen, but from an accumulation of carbon dioxide in our lungs instead. i like how clumps of melanin can give us something as lovely as freckles on our cheeks. i like how only 2 percent of the world has green eyes. i’ve studied the human body for hours upon hours and yet i’m always intrigued to linger with my notes and textbooks a bit longer to learn more. 

being a nursing student, you learn more than you could ever imagine about our skeletons and organ systems and disease processes. but the sweet part about all of that is, more than anything, you learn about how incredible our Creator is. each part of our body serves a specific and divine purpose- something that it, and only it, can do. and even more than that, each part works in conjunction with another part for the purpose of keeping us alive. sometimes i sit in awe and try to picture the Lord creating the human body in his mind, almost like an engineer. how He thought up the idea of blood that would circulate through each of us, that would provide us with oxygen, nutrients, and immunity. how He thought up the idea that it would be transported through an intricate system of vessels. how He thought up the idea that this system would be based on the pumping action of the heart. i have found it so encouraging to realize the amount of effort and detail that God must have put into our creation. in our flesh, we are engineered creations of Him. how could we ever doubt our importance?